Things not to say on the phone

There are things we would love to say to some people (*coughtelemarketerscough*) when on the phone, but really aren't proper. So why not list them here?! XD

1. "So what are you doing tonight, baby?"
2. "Es el gato en tus pantalones?" (especially if they speak spanish)
3. "So what are you wearing?"
4. "So can I have five pizzas to go?" (XD)

Now continue the list!

5. "I'd say you have the wrong number, but it feels so right."
6. "Stay still, and don't leave the room you're in." (You'd probably get your number tracked if you said this one though. xD)

7. "So YOU'RE the murderer!"
8. "Are you british or gay, i can't tell"

9. So hows David? What do you mean who's David, how could you forget our own son?

10. "Just a second, sir... ok, so how did you know the murder victim?" "Mr. -soandso- was found dead a few hours ago, and police are invesitgating the crime. I repeat, how did you know the victim?"

11. "So I hear you have herpes?"

12. What color panties are you wearing?
13. I'm sorry. Your call can not be completed as dialed. Please GO GET A LIFE YOU ****** ******** AND CALL AGAIN YOU ***!!! (Or something like that.)

14. "No, I don't need whatever you're selling, but it sounds to me like you could use some 'not entirely legal' substances."

15. Can I call you back later on your personal number?

16. Well, I'm not really interested in what you're selling, but maybe if you stop by my house and try a different sales technique, I may be interested.

17: You. Me. Dinner. Never.

19. Ah. What's that? I can't hear you. *makes a whole bunch of weird staticy noises* You're breaking up. *More noises* I'm going through a tunnel. *More noises* (*Hang phone up*)

17. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a rather alluring voice?"
18. "Heh, so it appears you'll be the next victim. -dead line-"

20. Those are some nice shoes that you're wearing.

20. "I know what you did last summer..." [Only because you will be shot repeatedly for quoting that terrible movie, as people have been doing so for far too long.]

{Actually, I pwned You and posted 18 first. However, I was being nice so I edited my post before You to 19 and then posted 20. Although looking closer, You posted an extra 17.}

23. You can ring my tone all day, baby!

24: "Die monster. You don't belong in this world!' 'It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute.' Tribute!?! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves!' 'perhaps the same could be said of all religions...' 'Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a saviour such as you!' ' What is a man? a miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk...have at you!"


(wow i'm a nerd)

25. By answering this call you have cursed yourself for all of eternity.

26. "Hmmmm... Though the subscription you're trying to sell me sounds like a good deal, I'm more interested if you have any Mail-Order Wives on stock. I'll need three. No, let's go with four."

27. "Could you hang on a moment? I'll be back in just a second..." *Don't hang up, just put the phone down and go finish your dinner*

28. "This product of yours is interesting, but have you tried our Super-Sucker 3000? It's guaranteed to suck up your muck faster than any other vacuume-cleaner! Its patented and highly advanced Roto-Motor technology gives it a clenliness procentage of 99%! You don't want to miss out!"

29. "Thank. You. For. Calling. You. Are. Number. 8. In. line." *sing for a moment* "Your. Call. Is. Important. To. Us. So. Please. Be. Patient." *sing some more* "You. Are. Number. 6. In. Line." *sing more*

30. "CALL ME ISHMAEL!"

31-*Whispering*” You got 7 days left…” (Anyone gets it!? XD)

32. Your world is doomed. They are coming...You will die tonight.

33. Hello, this is god, I cannot answer your call right now, after the tone, say your prayer, do your dance, chant your mantra, or whatever it is you do, If you're a telemarketer, I'm sorry, your going to hell, there's nothing I can do.

((anybody seen that youtube video?))

{No, but that's funny! D}

34. *Answer phone* Thank you for calling. Your soul is mine now. *Hang up*

35. "Sorry I'm a little busy. Say How about you give me your number and I'll call you later on your time?" *I think this is Seinfeld

36. "Are you as ugly as you sound?"

37. "Let me just stop you there for a second, I'd like to ask you a question... What is love! Baby don't hurt me! Don't hurt me no more! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo."

38. "When you make me throw this phone at 88 miles an hour you're going to see some serious shit!"

39. *Obi Wan hand raise* "This isn't the number you're looking for."

40. "No no no sir, how much would you like this special visa package?"

41. "You know what's ironic I mean, I'm the provider for what you're trying to sell me! That's like rain on your wedding day! A black fly in your chardonnay! It's a free ride when you've already payed! It's the good advice that you just didn't take! And who would have thought!..." (Continue singing the song Ironic until he or she hangs up.)

42. I AM A GOD!!! YOU WILL STOP TRYING TO SELL ME YOUR USELESS WHATEVER, AND BOW DOWN TO ME!!!