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 Tell Me A Tale Game

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Casey Jewels

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PostSubject: Tell Me A Tale Game   Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:45 pm

I really enjoyed Toko’s Drabble contest on ASN (has it really been two years?), so I’ve decided to do something similar.

This is a writing game. Below you’ll find my criteria for the first challenge. I’ll be the judge of this round, but then whoever wins this round will create and be the judge of the next, and onwards from there. This is meant to be a game for shorter fiction, as we all have lives outside of the Internet. I’m not going to put a word limit on this, but if you require 5000 words minimum for an entry, then I doubt that you’ll be getting very many.

Round One

Because I find it really fun to write and explore, this first round’s prompt is backstory. Take a character you’ve already created—or a character from a show, book, whatever—and write a story exploring an aspect of the character’s past. This can be a big event, or something really small and ordinary.

This needs to be at least 100 words, but no more than a 1000. Giving you lots of leeway.

Good grammar/spelling is a must. I won’t go Grammar Nazi at you, but with a piece this short, I don’t see why there shouldn’t be more than a mistake or two.

EDIT: Thought about this while falling asleep last night. Please, no R-rated stuff. No sex scenes, no F-bombs, etc. I would prefer no swearing at all, but I'm fine if it's censored. Oh, and I'm not a big fan of yaoi/yuri.

I’m going to leave it at that for this first round. Oh, and this round will end March 23rd, unless somebody needs more time or something.

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Magus1108

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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:53 pm

Ooh! Fascinating! I accept this challenge, Casey! Haha. This is exactly the thing I need to get back into the flow of writing.

Hm. I do believe it is time I wrote something for my favorite character, ever, in Avatar. Hehehe. Ooh boy, I'm gonna look forward to this!

Hopefully I'm not the only contestant.
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:45 am

Yay! And I hope more people join. This should be fun.

Oh, and I made an edit to my entry above, towards the bottom. Just so that you're aware.

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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:39 pm

I'll give this a shot, should really help me with my writing.
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:01 am

It has really been two years since I started that? Wow. XD
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:05 am

Training


A small figure dashed through the alley, breathing heavily as he sprinted. He jumped and grabbed a wall’s ledge, pulling himself up onto a fire-escape. He ran up a few floors before leaping off and jumping onto the roof of the building across the gap, landing and rolling. He stood and continued running, and grinned when he saw he was alone. Breathing a sigh of relief, he came to a stop, and then the two robots chasing him appeared on either side of him. They held out their arms and shot at him, but the boy managed to drop out of the way and rolled forward, continuing his sprint, faster now thanks to the threat of the robots’ weapons. He came to the end of the roof, only street before him. He jumped, and managed to land on another ledge, before losing his balance and falling off, landing on his side. He gasped in pain, and tried to get up, but found the robots before him, as he stared down the barrel of the weapons. It fired, and a round ball slapped his head, knocking him on his back.

Suddenly, bright lights came on, the world around him dissolved, and the robots deactivated, going still. Breathing rapidly from both fear and effort, he was startled when a hand clasped his shoulder, and pulled him up and away. He turned and faced the leader of their brotherhood, and one of his mentors, whose gaze held disappointment which stung more than any anger could have. “That was sloppy, boy. You let your guard down, and you lost your focus,” he said. “You don’t know that, I was just unlucky, that’s the only reason they got me,” the boy replied hotly. “They had you. You must be in control of your balance at all times, a fall like that is a good way to get yourself killed.” “It was just an accident, a fluke! I’d never fall like that again!” The mentor put a hand to his head, taking a moment to gather himself. “I know you think you are safe, that you have the ability to survive, that enemies will never be able to get you.”

He took a breath and continued, “But you must understand, in the field, when you are out there, running and fighting real Templar agents and robots, you won’t get any second chances, you cannot count on rescue in the nick of time. Your enemies will be armed with weapons that will hurt you, fatally. Do you understand?” The boy gave a long hard stare, but he nodded after a while. “Yes. But I put so much work into being an assassin; I practice this course every day. It’s just, I want to be good,” he said. His mentor placed a hand on his shoulder, and smiled. “You will be great. Go rest now, and you can try again later.” The boy nodded and walked out of the training room, moving gingerly in response to the various injuries he’d taken. The man stood there for a moment before looking up and announcing, “next!”


A story based on the childhood of my character Dominus from the Assassin's Creed RP.


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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:36 pm

I'll enter, if that's okay. Smile Do we need to post our entries or send them in a PM?
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Tue Mar 15, 2011 4:29 pm

@Toko
Yep. I didn't look at the month the thread was started, but it was back in 2009.

@CS
Just post them up here, whenever you're finished with them. That way there's no worry about the PMs being deleted, nor mess of having to sort through the PMs to find the right ones, nor worrying about missing a PM that contains an entry... In other words, it's safer just to post it in this thread.

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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:19 am

((I hope this is good. Did my best with this. Oh, and this is a little over a thousand words, but not by much. Sorry, Casey. Hope you don't mind. My word count may be wrong but, not counting this, the whole thing should be a thousand and sixty-five words, give or take. Hope you don't mind!))

--------------------------------------------

In the later years of his life, Long Feng never found much use for such a frivolous thing such as....“true love”. Political marriage was a necessity in the art of politics and war, yes, but the Commoner type of love, of marriage....it held no use for a man like himself. Besides, with someone of his position and power, marrying would be too dangerous; it would present an unneeded weakness toward his enemies, one that could be used against him at any time, no matter how much he protected his bride. After all, it was only logical to assume such a situation would occur eventually.

As the Shadow King of Ba Sing Se, he had no use for a marriage of necessity, nor a marriage built on trust and affection. Thus, it was why he had never gotten married, or tried to seek a companion in life.

But that did not mean he had not fallen in love, before, of course. Oh, no. Long Feng would be a liar if he said he'd never fallen in love. For he had been young, once. Young....and naïve.

He had only been a junior member of the Dai Li back then. The call of Blood and Retribution had still guided his heart, at that point in life, as he had set out his secret vendetta against the then Head of the Dai Li. It had been during one of his various assignments within the Palace when he met...Her.

Her name had been Lien, and she had only been a simple palace servant. But from the moment Long Feng had seen her, he'd been smitten and captivated. After the assignment was over, he had done his best to get the palace girl out of his mind. But increasingly, Long Feng had found his thoughts drifting over to Lien. He hadn't been able to get her out of his head.

Thus, he had done the only thing he could to satisfy his heart; Long Feng had begun to court the young Lien. It had not been a hard thing to do; apparently Lien had developed a bit of a crush on him as well, and she had been very receptive toward his advances.

Long Feng had known the risks going in, of course. Dai Li members dating hadn't been that uncommon, true enough, but it still presented a danger, for various reasons. And while Long Feng had been loathe to take the dangers that came with courting Lien, he had known that pursuing her would be worth it.

And he'd been proven right. Dating Lien had proven to be some of the happiest months he had ever experienced, since his early childhood. And....

And sometimes, he had even been able to forgot about his brutal past, thanks to his beloved. He had even been able to dream about a somewhat happy future, if one could believe that. And in those visions of the future, Lien had often been at his side—and the Head of the Dai Li's corpse had hung upon his mantle, of course—and, along with Lien, there had been...children, as well. Long Feng's own children. Their children.

But....like all good things, it was all but inevitable that it had to come to an end. And when it did...it had all come crashing down around him.

A coup was engaged in the palace, by the younger brother of the then Earth King. The Dai Li were forced to take sides; the ensuing short, but bloody and brutal, civil war that followed had devastated the ranks of the Dai Li, and in the end the King defeated his sibling, and had his brother executed.

As a result of this conflict, many innocent palace servants had died in the crossfire.

Including Lien.

What happened next....Long Feng did not remember. But he did know this: Lien's death had destroyed him, for a time. Much like the senseless murders of his parents had, when he was a child. But...as time passed, eventually Long Feng had gotten over the accidental death of his beloved. He had no other choice but to move forward, really.

And so Long Feng had hardened his heart. More so than what it had been, before. He merely counted Lien's passing as another reason why coming into power would be best, and how he would forever change Ba Sing Se, for the best. As a side effect, though, Long Feng had sworn to never love again. It was simply too dangerous; Long Feng could not afford something like that to so deeply affect him again. Not to mention what enemies he would gain might do to anyone he cared about...

And that was that. Long Feng continued to rise through the ranks in the Dai Li, and when the time was right, he usurped control over the organization. From there, his march to total Power had been all but inevitable. Not even Prince Iroh's attempted conquest of Ba Sing Se had stopped him.

But....even if he never loved again, Long Feng made sure to never forget Lien, or anyone close to him who had died because of his weakness. No. He would always remember them.

His teacher in earthbending, who had shown him the true path of life, and who had died trying to change Ba Sing Se; his parents, for being the loving guardians they had been, and for being in the wrong place at the wrong time; his older brother Tennari, who had been a guiding force in his early childhood, and who had been left to die in some spirit-forsaken battle-field in the war effort; and...most of all....

Lien, the love of his life. Cut down in her prime because of the ambitions of vile men. So young, so charming, and so beautiful...

Long Feng would never forget. And in the end, he had made sure that their deaths had not been in vain.

“Welcome to Ba Sing Se. We are so lucky to have our walls to create order. We live in a utopia that the rest of the Earth Kingdom could never dream to achieve. So long as you live here peacefully in our wonderful city, you are welcome to stay as long as you want. Please observe the law, and report anything that could cause trouble to the nearest soldier, or Dai Li agent. And finally...

There is no War in Ba Sing Se.”
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PostSubject: Tale of an Avox   Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:54 am

((Thanks, Casey. Smile

This one is for a character in The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, Lavinia.))

If she could speak, what would she tell the tribute? How would she tell her that she was sorry that the Capitol had now taken her as well? All she could do was what she was told to do. All she had left was the hope that this girl, this tribute from District 12, who'd met Lavinia's eyes in the worst moment of her life, would fight for all those who were captured by the Capitol. That she could somehow free herself and the rest of the captives in this land of bread and circuses.

That girl had been there, in that moment. Met her eyes. Watched as they captured her once more... and yet she could wish no ill fate upon her, though being a Tribute certainly ill fate. But the girl instilled in her a strange hope--she knew the huntress had a cause. That she would find a way to fight the real enemy.

Had it been so long since that day? Since she became captive to the place she'd intended to flee?

Her and Bass had been scheming about this escape for quite a while. They'd long grown tired of the vain ways of the Capitol, its hushed scandals, its quiet and shrieking corruption, but they knew leaving was not some sort of lavish adventure. It was dangerous. But after Bass had a run-in with the law, the couple knew what they needed to do. No one wanted to be a criminal in the Capitol. Criminals disappeared and never returned. Criminals became Avoxes. With less than hours before Peacekeepers would storm into his home, the pair fled the city.

Lavinia loved Bass, and he loved her. Neither wanted to put the other's life in danger, but if they were to be at risk of dying, or worse, they wanted it to be together. Through the Districts they traveled, to a place only rumored about... that one little Mockingjay in the corner of the District 13 broadcasts... it was their only release. Images of a place still smoldering and supposedly decimated. But they believed in District 13. Rumors were everywhere in the Capitol, but they were about trivial things, such as someone dying their skin tangerine and scarlet, or the gold in a girl's tattoos being artificial, or of someone's birthday party gone wrong. District 13's life as a place was a rumor that Lavinia chose to care about and believe. It was the only hope for those who desired a life of meaning and truth.

It was the place that stood as a testament to fighting the Capitol and succeeding, simply by still existing. Perhaps they even thrived. The hope for that place was so alive in Lavinia and Bass, that every moment when their stomachs growled from lack of time to hunt and eat, every time their hearts raced at the risk of being caught, every moment death threatened them, made it worth their chances.

They had been so close to freedom... so close in that abundant District 12 forest. How many miles would it have been? Days? Perhaps hours?

She didn't even notice the boy and the girl, inherently rebellious by simply being in that forest. She did not know why they were there, and she wouldn't figure it out for quite a while. What she primarily recalled was the dreadful sound and sight of the hovercraft finally finding them, of Bass falling to the ground dead, her inclination to scream... and her own self lifting from the forest floor...

The grey eyes of the girl in the forest, locking with hers in similar horror, and a helplessness that would be hard for Lavinia to forgive.

Their tearing knives invading her mouth had given her incredible pain... and she had wanted to scream. But she would never scream, never sing, never speak again. The whitecoats in the hovercraft changed Lavinia from being a person, a human being, a someone, who could be valued in the Capitol, into something less, into scum, something to be ordered and pushed around... an object of shame. An Avox.

She spent her days cleaning and serving food, and only doing as she was told... always complying to the orders of her ever-changing masters and mistresses in the Capitol hotel, whether they were truly authorized or not, for fear of worse punishment. She was truly a captive of the Capitol now. Her hopes of any sort of freedom had truly been crushed.

That day in the forest, Lavinia lost her voice in more ways than one.


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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:52 am

@Magus
Going a little bit over word count isn't a big deal, not to me, but... Sixty-five words seems like more than a little bit to me. I'll still count the story as an entry, but if I'm debating between it and another story that stayed within the word count, I'll probably go with the other story, seeing as how they were able to do just as good as a job with fewer words. I would suggest skimming through the story and seeing if you can say a few things with lesser words. Or, you can just leave it standing as is, and it might be docked a little if it gets a placing. You're choice.

@CS
You're welcome!

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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Wed Mar 23, 2011 7:07 pm

I meant to give a one day warning, but... I spent all of yesterday on homework. So, instead of judging today, I will judge tomorrow.

You all have ONE DAY to finalize your pieces or submit a piece, if you're going to for this round.

I plan to start judging at exactly noon MST on the 24th. You have been warned!

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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:35 pm

manysidestome:
An exciting start, pulling me in right away. However, I didn't feel as if I really knew Dominus any better by the end. There were things said about him, yes, but I didn't feel as if I was inside his head at all. There didn't seem to be any emotion attached to him--which is understandable for an assassin, but he still seems quite young. I'd also consider splitting the dialog up into separate paragraphs. It's kind of confusing when they're both talking in the same paragraph. Other than that, I enjoyed the piece.

Magus1108:
I love the style of this piece. And the ending... That was brilliant. It ties up this story really well. But, like I said, a slight dockage for your going over word count. You're at 1066 words, according to Word 2007. I think that the piece could have been tightened up a little, as some of the sentences seem a little awkward, or seemed just to restate what was already said.

CS:
Chilling. The books are on my To Read list, but the emotion in this piece was beautiful. I love how it started at the climax and then went so effortlessly backwards and then back to where the piece had begun. The beginning was a little hard for me to understand, with all of the names dropped that I don't know. I had to read the beginning twice to get what was going on. Over all, great piece.

Since we only have three people for this round, you all get placings!!!

3rd
Magus


2nd
manysidestome


1st

...

ConfusedShipper!!!

Congratulations!

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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Fri Mar 25, 2011 12:06 pm

I'm so sorry I was late for this! But thank you so much! The books are really good. I hope you enjoy them. Smile

My prompt is a dream sequence. Dreams can tell a lot about a character: what they want, what they fear, their past, their future, things they don't even know about themselves. Dreams can also seem to make no sense at all, as sleep puts the imagination on autopilot. It can be written, like Casey's prompt, for any character, original or not. I'll adopt Casey's same rules from above, though I'll confess I can be more lenient on various content. Just keep it at a K-T+ rating (fanfiction), and entries should still be around 100-1000 words.

Edit: This round will end on about April 19th or so.


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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Fri Mar 25, 2011 3:31 pm

Alright. You can count me in for the next round!
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Fri Mar 25, 2011 9:55 pm

@Magus1108: Awesome! Smile Looking forward to seeing your entry. ^_^
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Sat Mar 26, 2011 12:35 am

Whoot! Sounds like a lot of fun. Now, which character to use...

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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Wed Mar 30, 2011 5:23 pm

Question may the character be a non-rpg character? Not an actual character but an OC from a story?
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Wed Mar 30, 2011 6:49 pm

TokoToTheEnd wrote:
Question may the character be a non-rpg character? Not an actual character but an OC from a story?

Toko: Certainly. Any character goes. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Sat Apr 02, 2011 11:30 pm

((Done! At last! Nearly six hundred words too, last I checked. Well within the limit. Hope you enjoy it, CS!))

“Kegan! Kegan!” Rein shouted happily, running up to her amused husband. She hugged him fiercely and kissed his cheek. “Oh, I missed you! It's about time you came back from that diplomatic conference! I was so lonely here in the palace!”

Kegan chuckled and hugged his wife back. “Well, I missed you to, Rein. Sorry I had to leave, but you know how it goes, being Emperor and all. I never have a moment's piece. It's always one crisis after another.”

Rein giggled and lightly punched Kegan's shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. Excuses. Now, come give your wife a proper kiss, my lord.” she said, giving her husband a teasing smile. Kegan grinned in return and swiftly moved to pick Rein up. The Humage squealed in delight, and eagerly met her husband's lips as he came toward her. They shared a deep and long kiss before parting. Both exchanged some heavy breathing before Rein smiled and spoke again.

“The baby's been starting to kick now, Kegan. Our little boy is going to be a strong one, for sure.”

Kegan chuckled again, in reply, and set his wife down.

“It could be a girl, you know, Rein. But yes, our child will definitely be a strong on. It's in their blood!”

Rein giggled, and once more hugged her love with great ferocity. They kissed again, and quickly retreated back to their private chambers. A few hours later, after some...quality time...spent between the two, Rein laid on her stomach with a content smile on her face as she stroked Kegan's bare chest.

“I really missed you, Kegan.” she spoke softly. “I always hate it when you have to leave on these trips. They always take too long.”

“I know, I know.” her husband consoled. He gently rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. “I'd more than love to have you come along with me, Rein, when I have to leave the Capital. But we both agreed you'd be too much of a...distraction for me to properly conduct negotiations, and such.”

Rein sighed and let her fingers curl across Kegan's stomach. “I remember. I just wish...well, I miss you a lot. It...hurts when you're gone. It really does.”

She gave a little sniffle, as a tear fell from her eye. Kegan smiled sweetly at her and wiped the tear away. He tilted his wife's head and kissed her on the lips.

“Don't worry, Rein. I won't have to leave you anytime soon again. I promise. I'll always be here. No matter what.”

Rein smiled softly and nodded. “Good. I'll hold you to that promise, Kegan.”


Rein opened her eyes, as consciousness suddenly returned to her. She blinked, slowly, as her confused and sleepy mind tried to process her jumbled thoughts and memories. The Humage reached over to the other side of the bed, to grasp onto Kegan—

—only her hand met empty space. Rein gave a confused blink and shifted herself to face her bed's other side. Indeed, she was the only one in the bed. Where...where was...?

Then she remembered. Kegan was....she didn't know. Dead? Alive? All she knew was that he was a fugitive of the Empire and...and...

She'd never see him again. And if she did, it would be....years from now. May as well be forever, then.

Tears pooled to Rein's eyes, as she started to weep over her lost love. Even a brief kick she felt from the life within her stomach did nothing to bring her peace.
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Tue Apr 05, 2011 7:29 pm

((EDIT: This round will be ending around April 19th now, since we don't have too many entries yet, if anyone wants to join now.))
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:34 pm

Not sure how happy I am with the end. I'll let it sit a bit before going back over it. And I'd consider this T+, but if you consider it Mature, then I'll write up a new piece.

---

Spilt Blood

Ana didn’t dream often.

That wasn’t something the army taught her, but something she forced upon herself. Dreaming only brought back memories of the past, and those were not memories she wanted to remember.

Like the first time that she had killed.

The knife jerked in, between the ribs, and then back out. The movement was automatic, the young girl having done this thousands of times before. But this time was different, as blood splattered onto her cheek. She flinched back at the touch of the warm liquid, but then she was covered in it.

She stumbled back, and then was falling as she tripped over the dead body that was suddenly behind her. Her body fell through the air so slowly, as if she was actually sinking underwater. Her grey and white hair floated upwards, not having been cut short yet, and the knife fell from her grip. The blade, stained red, twirled around and around before clattering to the floor. The noise was so loud, echoing in her ears as she fell through into the floor and then through it.

All around her was darkness and emptiness. She felt as if she were still falling, but she wasn’t sure anymore, with nothing to mark her progress by. No, there was the knife twirling above her. It was just a silver glint above her, but still she knew what it was. Then it was zooming towards her, spinning end-over-end. She screamed, but no sound came out. There was nobody to hear her. The knife came closer and she let out another shriek, again with no noise, and then her hands flew up in front of her. The knife embedded in the darkness just beside her head. Then it was gone and she was falling again, screaming soundlessly as she went.


The scream was just as soundless as she bolted upright in her bed. Sweat coated the adult’s body, instead of blood, but that didn’t stop her from feeling as if she was covered in the crimson liquid. Tremors raced through her body and it took all of her willpower to stop herself from crying.

That was almost twenty years ago, dang it! She had blocked all of that out! But all of the guilt and shame over her first kill was back. She had been ten, and just following orders. And they never had given her a chance to recover. No, after that first kill, it had just been one after another, until she had grown numb. Except for on nights like tonight, when she dreamed…

About her first kill.

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Last edited by Casey Jewels on Wed Apr 20, 2011 8:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Sun Apr 17, 2011 6:17 pm

Before you read: Lord Helios is Zuko's Sith Lord title in the Dawn of a New Prince/Dawn of a New Hope roleplay. He's gone to the dark side and has ambitions to kill both the Emperor and his Master, though not likely at the same time. At this point he is in training, going on missions for Darth Vader in the galaxy.

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A man sat on his throne, overlooking everything in existence, all was his domain, and his word was law. A woman sat beside him, elegant and sharp-looking, their hands clasped together. His face was perfect, no blemish or ugly marks to be seen; he was tall, muscular, young, and powerful. The woman leaned her head toward him, and asked, “Lord Helios, what are you doing?” The Sith Lord looked over at her and asked, “What do you mean, Mai?” Except her face was now harsh, her eyes glowing, and she was now taller than him, glowering down at him. “What!?” “You aren’t worthy of this,” she said, her voice low and harsh. “Do you really think you could be anything more than a pathetic shell of a man?” “I am the Sith Lord, I am the perfect being,” he shouted.

“Zuko, you have betrayed yourself,” a voice came, harsh and cold, but familiar. “Uncle,” Helios said, turning around to face a specter, Iroh’s features distorted and angry, eyes glowing as well. “You are no man; you are a child, who will never learn. You are your own worst enemy, too blinded to see the truth that your empire crumbles around you and you have no one to turn to.” Before his eyes, the universe erupted into bright lights as fire spilled forth and worlds cracked open, stars burst and then there was nothing, but him. “No, how could this have happened!?” Helios looked around, no longer the perfect man but his true form, scarred and flawed. “My son, your power could not save anything,” another voice called. “Mother,” he asked, fear now in his voice as he looked above and saw her ghostly visage above him.

“For all your strength and accomplishments you could not keep this from happening, you have nothing, no one, as you deserve. You are a failure,” she said, floating away. “I have nothing,” he said, looking around. “No one.” “You have us,” a voice hissed, and his eyes opened wide in shock as Helios saw thousands of figures, all glowing eyes and angry looking, all ghostly and untouchable. At the front were Avatar Aang, Azula, and his father. “You killed us, Zuko,” Aang told him. “We are all you have left now,” Azula added. “You will suffer for our deaths,” Ozai stated, and they began to approach. “No, stay back,” Zuko shouted, backing up as they approached. “Join us, Zuko. Joined the suffering of the damned,” they called. “No!” Zuko couldn’t move, his legs were frozen as the hoard descended on him. He screamed in terror, until he realized he was in a bed, in a cold sweat.

He panted heavily, as he got his bearing, remembering where he was. “That dream, it wasn’t normal. I sense the work of the Force here,” he thought. Instead of sleeping, he got up and searched the area for intruders, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep again that night.
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Tue Apr 19, 2011 5:12 pm

Magus1108:

This piece had a great deal of emotion, and a lot of great insight into character. I liked the contrast between the dream, and Rein's waking sequence; her desires in contrast to her reality. The dialogue seems very real within her dream, almost like a memory, which makes it all the more difficult for her when she awakens. Emotion is the heart of this piece, and it is very aptly felt, however, I feel as though the piece was lacking in description where certain details could have been expanded upon--the actions were very direct, very "tell" and not "show". All in all, however, a very well-written piece, and I really liked it.

Casey Jewels:

Spilt Blood gripped me from the moment I began to read it. It truly takes advantage of the dream prompt--interconnecting the strange surreal imagery, floating, sinking, and spinning, with an actual, terrifying, traumatizing memory. This piece carried the essence of a nightmare. And the word choice definitely adds to the vividness of the scenes. The introduction and conclusion of the piece (non-dream) added good, and arguably necessary backstory to it, though there could have been less emphasis upon them. Great piece, regardless.

manysidestome:

I felt your piece was a great exploration of a character's conscience. The voices and faces of those from the present and the past, the living and the dead, coming back to tell what one is afraid of knowing what might be true (forgive me if I interpret this wrong), is always striking in a dream sequence, the nightmare you just don't want to have. The visual details given were captured just right. The dialogue was done wonderfully, and word choice was very well-done. My only complaint is the format. As previously stated by Casey, it would be nice if the dialogue was separated, and perhaps if the ending had been stronger. Overall, I really liked this piece.

Note: I have to conclude by saying that you are all amazing writers and I love reading your works and really enjoy roleplaying with you. I loved every one of your pieces this round, and this was a hard round to judge. So without further ado...

...The moment you've all been waiting for....

3rd: manysidestome

















2nd: Magus1108




























1st: Casey Jewels!


Great job, everyone! Smile ^_^
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PostSubject: Re: Tell Me A Tale Game   Wed Apr 20, 2011 8:29 pm

I won? I thought that my ending would knock me down for sure.

But since I barely did a round, I'll let Second Place take over for me. So, Magus, this is your round, unless you don't want it.

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